It was saturday, just came back from manila and going to see a doctor…I wasn’t scared, because I know I’m just going to be scheduled for a minor operation. I didn’t expect that in that day is the same day! OH MY GOD! is the only thing that I can say to myself… I was with my mom ofcourse but it doesn’t ease anything… I was an IN and OUT patient… meaning i am just going to be operated in a clinic and will not be confined in any hospital.
The doctor told me to lie in the bed, I wasn’t that nervous, just a little bit. I can see clearly that the doctor was preparing things for that operation. That makes me scared. I don’t want to see any needle or something. Thank God I have my jacket with me, I used it to cover my whole face so I couldn’t see a thing…
The doctor started to wipe something in my foot, it’s cold. Then, all a sudden I felt something prick my foot. I screamed loudly but I stayed put. One of the doctors advices so I couldn’t hurt myself more. Well anyways, it isn’t just one prick of that damn anaesthesia! they’re so many! damn them! The most hurtful part of it is not when i tasted the first prick. It is when the medicine runs inside my foot and feel every glide of it. Every prick of it, causes me tears and scream! Begging the doctor to stop… In those times I really felt what I have experienced before. It’s the very same thing. Because anaesthesia make you feel vulnerable, in every bit of it. It makes you strong in a way. It’s only in the middle though, because when it is already gone, you will still feel the same thing that make you suffer. In this time I realized that all those times that i get hurt by the one I love it hurts! definitely! but in the middle of it you feel nothing and in the end of it, you will feel it again as before. As the way it started.
It’s so hard to move on. I really want to fight it, but no matter what i do. I can’t figure it out. It really take so much time and I dunno when. Someday i guess…
I made a decision. I was thinking of it while the doctor is doing something with my damn foot! While tears are running down my cheeks, behind the screams and the sobs.
I will forget my past and start a new… ofcourse memories still linger on just like a sweet sad old song…Cliche… I will just remember myself… me first… i will depend on no one. I will pretend that I have amnesia or something… I will forget all of them. Except my family, LDS, Tayabernse pheepz, My bestfriends, Mayots madrigal, dormates, especially GOD. In short I will just forget that I ever loved a person.
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